I is for Inertia [The Alphadeath Codex]

I want to go home

I need to smell the fragrance of rosemary one last time

To step in the pebbled trail that leads to your door

Drifting towards a rescue flag, back to safe embrace

Floating like petrichor after a warm summer rain

I wish I could be there again

Say

Say my name

Whisper gently so the whole world can hear it

Muffled by sorrow

Make it echo in every chamber of your heart

Cry it so quietly until it pulls you apart

And hold it forever in a void

So it can never be destroyed

I’m now but a ripple in a dead calm sea

In the offing of my destiny

Lithe and delicate

In languor afloat

A dream I will become

Asunder from you

Strand ashore

Seraphic

Idle

The inertia takes me deep into the everlasting sleep

I will never go home

For as I slowly sink into blackness

And as the blood runs loose from my veins

Drenching ripped leather, twisted metal and broken glass

I myself become past

And through the shouting, the wailing sirens

The screams of terror and burning flesh

I recall the fragrance of rosemary

The earthy sound of my footsteps over the pebbled trail

And your smile

That luminous, glorious smile

That invited me in

The last minute of life

Is the first day of eternity

As the ineffable becomes tangible

I become aware

Everything is oh so clear

With eyes no longer shaded by fear

But rush not my dear love

For when your time comes

I’ll be the one

Waving

Waiting

I am at home

H is for Hail [The Alphadeath Codex]

Sinister, you dare to say?

The day grows late, the sun is grey

My eyelids can no more carry the burden of Thy sight

Oh! Poor me, unable to uphold all this might, I shall hide, quick

Startled by the footsteps pounding heavily on the metal spiral staircase,

The one where the ivy looms and rats lurk,

With their beady eyes glowing like dying ambers from yesterday’s fire

May this thunderstorm soothe Thy anger and fade away

And let the night roll deep, unaware of hell’s blaze

I dread all forms of warmth

For warm feelings are too vague, mundane

And a man in my position shan’t have his name allied with piety or other things humane

Alas, this is the price to pay, for serving Thy name, my nameless shame

As I sat proudly, cloak and staff disguising the hoary and frail

I glance at the crowd reunited here once more

Hoping I’ll bring them hope for days to come

Yet for myself hope I have none

Thy wrath, Thy virtue and untarnished love

All this we expect from above, hands outstretched

Claiming for rain to pour and wash away our sins

Ah, they sing, sing to you my Lord the highest

And walk, one by one, pleading blissful life or peaceful death

Yet look at me, both in awe and fright

And kneel, bow heads to accept Thee in their fair heart

I accept the role and in Thy name I play my part

These unfortunate men march towards their twilight

In Thy name they will get through another day

Not felling forsaken, nor feeling pain

Sprinkled with holy water, feels like cruel hail

The sinister ritual unfolds beneath rusty iron skies

But in the bleakest corner of its crocked being

The priest knows it’s all lies

G is for Grasp [The Alphadeath Codex]

Sometimes I believe
Sometimes I accept that one day, all will fall apart
Sometimes I just know I’ll break your heart
Sometimes I can see
Clearly
A dark river runs through it
Floods the gates
Thrashes the gentle willows unable to bend before such rage
And deep
Deep within myself
Sometimes I accept
That I have become hell

And no bird will sing or cloud show silver lining
Because, sometimes
The fear is blinding
And hate is the only thing gleaming in your eyes
When sometimes, everything else just dies

And as hope withers, it cries in a whirl of misfortune
And fades to black
Sometimes, there is no turning back

And then, by cruelty veiled
Seated in a throne of spite
I give up the fight
Close my eyes
And quietly embrace the gloom
Victorious in doom
I have vanquished my soul

As I lay silently unfathomed
Sometimes I wish that all would fade away
And a that a harsh blow should strike me dead
So I may dream of faraway places no more
So I can hide from all this maelstrom
So I no longer try to grasp 
Desperately
To the last shred of kindness in this world

And as the sun sinks on the horizon and the starless skies fall
Sometimes I believe
That there is nothing left to believe at all

F is for Fractal [The Alphadeath Codex]

Listen

The murmur in your head

Driving you gently across

A bleak, slow, sorrowful street

Hunting edges of unmarked corpses in the night

Twitching nerve, itching skin, slippery hands failing to grip

To hope, any hope, any rope

Repeat after me

I, redeemer, drunken dreamer, sway untouched, unseen, unspoken

Under the dim lit corner, a sigh, a whispering crawling up your ear

Not here

Never here

Gravel soaked in crimson blood, the wreckage feast, the damage done

To whom? To no one

You never seen no one

Because

We are not here to be seen

But to be felt, deep, deep inside your skin

Clutching at every thought left unattended  

We are the dead

Nothingness spread across the void of your unwillingness

Marching silent in a sea of endless, endless noise, a violent noise

As a vain expression of indulgence, a zombified nation

Without a notion of time and no time for any notion of life

We are the living ones

We are

The fractal mind of a collective perpetual desolation

The ghosts that sit by your side

As you read these words

I am now the shivering across your spine

[für H.]

[V] (desafio 'inocência)

Quero morrer de morte violenta

De morte funesta, dramática, caótica

Escolhido pela raiva homicida ou suicídio ritual

Quero que a explosão do meu ser faça vibrar estas paredes

Derreter os ossos em frémitos de relâmpago e trovão

Incendiar a boca, os olhos, os meus dedos para que jamais toquem em nada

Quero voltar ao nada, ao corte fundo que me fez nascer, ao negro da noite sem fim

Que caiam pedras do céu, que se abra a terra para me engolir e a chuva forte me empurre

De volta às entranhas do inferno, o familiar inferno que em vida me fez querer a morte

Mas não uma morte qualquer, oh não

Tem que ser feia, pérfida, doentia, dolorosa e fulminante

O sangue terá que escorrer vermelho escuro sob um chão duro e seco

Um último suspiro corrosivo e acre não deverá por ninguém ser entendido

Nem lembrado

Num gélido túmulo enterrado, em névoas de pestilência afogado

Quero que de mim nada sobre, e nada sobre mim se saiba ou se recorde

Especialmente

Quero que de mim não sintas falta

Quero que não vertas lágrimas ou sussurres oração

Quero abandonar o teu coração, exorcizar-me de teu corpo

Quero que vivas sem este espectro que te destrói e te mantém cativa

Que não mais acredites em amor eterno, que me renegues e condenes ao exílio

E que ergas o teu olhar para nunca mais me veres

E que a tua alma reconquiste a inocência

Quero morrer de morte violenta

E dar-te a serenidade de que nunca nada mais de mim saberás

Canção de amor sem impurezas e asteriscos

Por favor 

Não me louves em endechas

Nem me componhas sonatas.

Já conheço as palavras mais frequentadas

E os teus sons e silêncios trabalhados

Escorreriam pelas minhas costas.

Não quero que lutes por mim

E que me tragas colinas e árvores azuis,

Arcas de sândalo

Debruadas com fitas de cetim.

Eu sei a que cheira  a terra queimada.

Não quero que me ofereças as tuas veias

Para cortar ou beber.

Não creio que haja líquido dentro delas

E não penso que possas  viver dentro de mim,

Numa ópera negra.

Não preciso de ver o teu caderno de rascunhos,

O delicado lado avesso onde realmente moras,

Com os pontos mal dados e as linhas atadas.

E sobretudo

Não preciso da tua cabeça cansada nas minhas mãos

Se vais amputá-las  dessa leveza inesperada.

Não precisamos deixar-nos à espera

Enquanto tecemos teias

Com beijos de falsário  e abraços metálicos.

Não precisamos de sentir crescer o limbo,

O sabor do escurecer do sol,

O olhar para o relógio à espera do intervalo.

Também não queremos o coração parado,

A martelar marchas fúnebres

E estática.

Descansa…

De ti peço apenas a estrada repisada 

O desejo estéril

O calor que passa pelos teus lábios entreabertos

E as tuas impressões digitais nas minhas coxas.

Pouco, como vês…

Eu sei que a verdade não existe

E que o amor, por dentro, é feito de folhas rasgadas.

Sou uma perfeita esfera cauterizada.

Comigo não precisas de te levantar

E fecho a porta atrás de mim.

Vens?